There's pizza in there!

Up here in the frozen north, we have something called a "pizza pop." And despite the ridiculous cold and perpetual snow, a pizza pop is not a pepperoni flavoured ice cream treat.

Why they're called pops we'll probably never know, since they're really more of a calzone. But they are a staple junk food on this side of the 49th and unbelievably easy to replicate.

Home Made (is best) Pizza Pops

• 1 batch of biscuit dough
• 1/2 tin of plain tomato sauce
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp marjoram
• 1/2 tsp oregano
• pepperoni
• mozza
• other stuff you like on pizza
• an egg and a bit of water

A note on the cheese: while a soft squishy mozza is nice, it doesn't work well in these. It liquifies too much, and escapes out of the pop to make a lovely cheesey mess all over the baking sheet. I strongly recommend a firmer, drier mozza for these.

I used the garlic salt in the biscuit dough (in place of the regular salt, which is in the picture, but which I didn't use), and then I found the garlic powder (not pictured) in the cupboard and so used it instead of the fresh garlic. And there's no egg. Or biscuit dough. This picture is all kinds of fail.

So, first thing you have to do is make your biscuit dough. I know, I know, it's not pizza dough and calzones are usually made with pizza dough. I don't care. Biscuits are fast, easy, and do not contain yeast. I am really not good with yeast. I seem to kill the poor things with my bare hands. I swear I can feel them dying as I knead.

So, I used biscuit dough, and frankly, it's more like the pop dough anyway. And I'm making pizza pops here.

The pizza sauce is probably the toughest part of this... Put it all in a bowl. Stir. Holy hell, I'm exhausted and I need to sit down for a few minutes.

So, you can either roll out the dough into one big blob and cut circles out of it, or you can roll small blobs of dough into circles. I've done it both ways, and I find that the big blob works best for smaller ones and small blobs work best for larger ones.

Since I was at Recipe Guy's house and making insta-lunches to stock his freezer with, I opted for small blobs to make big pops.

Roll the dough to no more than 3 mm thick (metric, Canadian, plus, looks better than 7/64 inches) and spread it with pizza sauce, leaving about a 1/4 inch (about 6 mm if you're playing along at home) edge all the way around.

Lay on the pepperoni. I only used one layer in this batch, but I think two would be okay. Make a small pile of cheese on one half. Add whatever other toppings you like, and then another small drizzle of sauce.

Fold the non cheese side over the cheese side and proceed with some form of joining of the edges.

Me, I like to roll it by folding the bottom layer up over the top layer. If you prefer to press, (edges of pizza pops are pressed with a fork-like indentation) I suggest you use some kind of fastener, like water, or a bit of egg wash. You're going to have to make the egg wash (beat the egg with the bit of water) anyway, and it makes a pretty decent pastry glue.

Brush them with egg wash and poke the top a few times with a fork. If steam can escape this way, it won't try and bust open an edge to get out.

I baked these at 400 for about 17 minutes.

The pastry is flakey, and handles both the freezer and the microwave well, and the filling is just enough pizza for a quick lunch. You could even eat it one handed.

What else should I stuff my biscuits with?

Three layers of square

These are some seriously exotic treats.

From that far away land called Canada.

Nanaimo is a small city (city, lol) on the south part of Vancouver Island. As a place, it's a bit of a crap hole. It's got a cute little downtown harbour, and backs onto a large temperate forest, but it's also got pulp mills. You do not want to ever wake up to that smell. A musician friend of mine from Nanaimo would always play a cover of "Dirty Old Town" by the Pogues while he was on the road because it reminded him of home.

Really, the only claim to fame of this odd little place is a dessert created by a woman who lived there. And it's become such a part of the food culture of Canada that these are ever present at holiday dinners. Every xmas spread has at least one plate of these. Thanksgiving too. Easter, even.

And everyone has their own special little variation. This is mine. It's the best one. Is too.

Nanaimo Bars

Layer 1

• 1/2 c butter
• 1/4 c sugar
• 1/3 c cocoa
• 1 egg
• 2 c graham cracker crumbs
• 1-1/2 c unsweetened coconut (I prefer shredded for the texture)
• 1 tsp vanilla

Layer 2

• 1/4 c butter (unsalted, has to be)
• 2-1/2 tbsp Bird's custard powder (more on that later)
• 3 tbsp cream
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 2 c icing sugar

Layer 3

• 4 oz bittersweet chocolate
• 1 tbsp butter

Yes, it's a lot of stuff, and a lot of layers, but each one has to spend time chilling in the fridge, so you can do them piecemeal, adding the next layer whenever you get a few minutes to spend on them. I suspect that's why they're such a holiday thing.

The base:

Melt the butter in a medium sized pot. Mix the sugar and cocoa together.

You don't have to do that; you could dump them in individually, but I find that the sugar crystals help to break up the clumps in the cocoa.

Whisk these together, and then break the egg into a small bowl, and whisk it. With the pot over low heat, whisk as you slowly pour the beaten egg into the cocoa mixture. Whisk, whisk, whisk.

You don't want to cook the egg, just get it to set, like in a custard. Keep whisking for a few minutes until it thickens. Beautiful, glossy, dark, chocolately stuff.

Once it looks like that, take it off the heat and dump in the crumbs, the coconut, and the vanilla. You'll need a spoon to stir this part. You'll also be able to find any chunks of graham cracker that didn't get busted up in the food processor.

It will be crumbly, but it will stick together in large clumps.

Press it into a 9x9 pan, buttered and lined with an overhang of parchment (you'll need that to help get them out). You want this part evenly distributed and well packed. Hands are the only way to do it.

Now, cover the pan and put it in the fridge.

Find something else to do for an hour.

Yes, an hour.

I'm sure you can find some means of entertaining yourself. I mean, it's not like you have to set a timer or anything, just make sure that it's firm before you spread on the next layer.

The filling:

It has to be unsalted butter (no salt, seriously) that is room temperature soft. Whip it up in a bowl for a few minutes.

Then add the cream, the vanilla, and the custard powder.

If you don't know what custard powder is, you will need to learn. I've seen recipes that say you can substitute vanilla pudding powder here, but you can't. No. You will have to go find some Bird's. It's in every grocery store I've ever been to in Canada, but if you can't find it in yours, you may have to look for an English import store. It is a UK thing, limey as limes, and it makes the tastiest non-Newtonian fluid around.

It also gives the middle it's characteristic soft buttery colour.

Add the 2 cups of icing sugar about 1/3 of a cup at a time, beating it well after every addition.

Recipe Guy's house has power tools!

At the end you want something firm enough to hold its shape, but soft enough to spread around.

All your base are covered in frosting.

And then back in the fridge it goes.

Seriously, you could take a week to make this and it wouldn't know the difference.

Once the middle is firm, usually only half an hour later, start the topping.

The chocolate:

Get a small pot of water up to a simmer and put the chocolate and butter into a small bowl. Bowl, meet pot. You, stir.

mmmm... chocolate.

Pour it onto the creamy filling and spread it around.

Fridge!

But only for about 15 minutes. For this one, you should set a timer. You want the chocolate set enough that you can cut it, but not hard enough that it will break when you try. My way of telling: you can touch it gently and not leave a fingerprint, but press on it and make one.

With a very thin sharp knife, cut it into squares. Wipe off the knife after each cut.

Yes, I just cut the contents of a 9x9 pan into 30 pieces. These things are rich and when they're small you can eat more of them.

Let them firm up completely before you try prying them out of the pan. The parchment helps.

Artfully arranged on a platter, or left in the pan with a fork for self-service, these things will disappear fast and everyone will complain that you're trying to kill them with rich delicious sweetness. Yes, the filling of these is basically half an inch of thick buttercream icing, but no one held you down and forced 7 of them into your mouth.

What's your favourite layered dessert?